Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Kitschy Wishes to All!

I've decided to test out a new regular to semi-regular feature here on Kinda Kitschy. Now, I know what you're thinking. Where's T-Shirt Tuesday been for the last two weeks? I assure you T-Shirt Tuesday is safe and sound sitting in a box where I placed him or her for the duration of the holidays. I just forgot where I put the box.

Anyway, the new feature is tentatively called Kitschy Wishes, and it goes something like this: every week or two I will come up with some absolutely ridiculous piece of completely fictional Christian merchandise, and I will post a completely fictional advertisement for said product on Kinda Kitschy.

Sounds fun, no?

So, borne from my work shift boredom, here is the first installment of Kitschy Wishes! Enjoy!

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Does sitting back in your favorite La-Z-Boy make you feel, well, lazy? Does reclining back and watching the tube make you feel like a boob? Don't you just wish something would come along that could let you relax and serve the Lord? If so, you might just call our next product...a Godsend!

Christistuff Industries proudly presents:

The JesuSeat™!

At first glance, the JesuSeat™ may look like any ordinary recliner, but we promise you, it isn't!

First, feel the warm relaxation as you sit in your new JesuSeat™, and rest your head against the face of your Savior! Located behind Jesus' face is a fully programmable MP3 player to listen to those new Christian rock tunes, or sermons, complete with noise cancelling headphones!

The JesuSeat™ comes equipped with a writing desk perfect for jotting down prayer requests, preparing notes for your Sunday sermon, or taking Bible study notes! But forget that old leather and paper Bible! It's time to introduce you to the 21st century! That's why the JesuSeat™ comes with a custom JesuSeat edition electronic NIV Bible, with fully searchable concordance, swivel mounted for group teaching convenience!

But, wait! There's more!

Pull away the footrest cover to find a fully-functional stainless steel sink with retractable faucet! No more filling messy buckets to wash each others' feet! With the all-new patented FootSink™, you can show your love and humility toward your brothers and sisters in Christ, and lavish them in comfort at the same time!

Who wants to sit around like a lazy bum all day? With the JesuSeat™ you can praise in comfort!

And, remember, WWJL™! Where would Jesus lounge?

6 comments:

re6smith said...

Here's an idea I've been wanting to mock up for ages, and you've got the appropriate forum:

The CrossTrainer(tm):

Lose extra weight, tone, and define a new you, while experiencing the trials of Our Lord on his long walk to Calvary.

Need I say more?

Gregory said...

Smith, I think you're on to something there.

Diesel said...

Gregory, I think you definitely need to do the CrossTrainer next. I can almost see people going for that.

Miss Kitty said...

CrossTrainer! Hahahahaaaaa!

I actually thought you were going to say that the sink was a functional toilet. No need to get up to Number 2 when you're praying to your Number 1.

Allen said...

Great! Now, how do I get my church board to replace all our pews with JesuSeats?

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Adding "Where would Jesus lounge?" was a nice touch.