Saturday, February 03, 2007

The Church of Me...uh, Be

I'm sure you've all been at the store, in line for the self-checkout (who doesn't love the self-checkout?) and seen the Church of Oprah's monthly publication, O.

That's right. Oprah's on the cover of every magazine.

I really don't understand what kind of shameless pride it takes to do something like that, but, whatever. That's the world for you.

Apparently, the Joyce has been taking a few pointers from the Oprah.

Yes, that is a Joyce Meyer magazine, with, you guessed it, Joyce Meyer on the cover. Not only that, but if you peek down in the lower right corner there, you can see that Joyce Meyer ministries has got more fun on the way: The Penny, Joyce's "compelling" first novel. Give me a minute while I go pre-order that...

...okay, back.

Honestly, the only thing I could see as remotely compelling about this book is the fact that it compels me to have a book burning.

Can you imagine the conversation between Joyce and her publicist over this one? Seriously, I'm sure it's a Christian company, but the guys must either be unbelievers or incredibly whipped by Diva of the Faith, and I mean that in the worst possible way.

Joyce: Hi, Mike, it's Joyce. Listen, I want to make a magazine.
Publicist Guy: Um, okay, Joyce, whatever you say. What will it be about?
Joyce: Well, me of course...uh, and you know, confidence and living up to your potential and all that jive. You know, the usual.
Publicist Guy: Okay, well, do you have any ideas to work with?
Joyce: Yeah, I've written out a few articles. All I really know for sure is that I want to be on the cover.
Publicist Guy: Wow, Joyce. Don't you think that sounds a little...*gulp*...egotistical. I mean, we are supposed to be a Christian publishing firm. You know, a jealous God, and all that.
Joyce: You idiot! God's not going to be jealous. She's already got her own magazine.

Listed on


Claire said...

I think Oprah's thing is that she doesn't want models and actresses on the covers of her magazines, setting up an impossible standard of beauty or somesuch. Which, in itself, is nice--I'm getting sort of sick of that phenomenon myself. But surely there's a way around to avoid both anorexic models AND Oprah on every cover--have an essay contest for the subscribers, or something, I don't know.

Who knows. Amusing post, though.

Diesel said...

Dude! Good to have you back. Seriously, no pressure if you've got other stuff to do. I was getting a little concerned though. You don't call, you don't write....

Don't worry about my "investment." It's not that significant.

I think Joyce should take a note from Oprah - Avoid closeups and wear glitzy outfits that distract people from your face.

Allen said...

School!? Dude, you've got to ask yourself, "Do I want an education or do I want to cater to the every whim of my blog's audience?"

I know I can trust you to make the right decision.

--Big Brother

The Drive-by Blogger said...

A while back I had a single panel web comic going, and one cartoon joked about Oprahism becoming an actual religion in the future.

Of course, the idea seemed funnier before I found out how many people actually believe in the "teachings" of L.Ron Hubbard.

The Ironic Catholic said...

As a teacher, I tell ya: do your homework, dude.

"Honestly, the only thing I could see as remotely compelling about this book is the fact that it compels me to have a book burning."
LOL. That was worth waiting for.

Joel Bezaire said...

Back with a vengeance.

I don't know if Mrs. Meyer has good things to say or not...I assume she's a little whacked like most televangelists...

I just know I have never been able to listen to her for more than 2.3 seconds at a time. She has a voice like a broken tuba.

Gregory said...

To be honest, I'm pretty fundamentally Biblical on female pastors. I take that verse in Timothy pretty seriously.

However, all that being aside, she's a televangelist, which knocks her down a couple of notches. There's this whole magazine thing, so, there you go. Plus, my wife has actually met her, as she comes into my wife's Starbucks occasionally.

According to my wife, she's extremely stuck up, plus she spends like $500 a month on Starbucks. My wife doesn't think that's a very good witness, especially when all her followers send her so much money.

The Ironic Catholic said...

p.s. love the last line too

Ellyn said...

So how would you prefer I spend my time suffering in line at the supermarket? Should I just stare ahead and offer it up? Or can I have a little amusement? Pleeease?

Miss Kitty said...

"A voice like a broken tuba"

Joel, you are so wrong for that.

Mile High Pixie said...

Kitty, I latched onto Joel's broked tuba comment too! Baahhaa!

And Gregory, it's so funny you should mention the Gospel of Oprah and her magazine. I subscribe to it, and have done so for a while. I've been thinking about cancelling my subscription, partly due to the fact that I have too many magazines to read these days, and due in part to the brand that she's made for and of herself. My husband, a fallen-away Catholic and sarcastic person in any light, mocks both Oprah and Joyce Meyer when he passes them on a channel-surfing trip.

jigawatt said...

Ever notice how Oprah's expression is nearly indistinguishable on each magazine? It reminds me of the movie Zoolander where it shows Derek's calendar with his exact same picture superimposed over different backgrounds.