Ahoy me hearties! What a great day it is when anyone can greet their mates with a guttural "Arrr!" and a shake of the hook without being considered insane or a serial killer. What do I mean? It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day of course, and what a fine holiday it is!
Now, I understand the concern of Christians in calling something like ITLPD a holiday, especially considering the connotations of piracy, both ancient and modern. We have romantic ideas about pirates who are dashing and clever and make repetitive jokes about rum. Very repetitive jokes. In reality, however, pirates were always thieves and often brutal cutthroats. Today, pirates are still thieves, sailing the digital seas in search of media to pilfer from honest corporations and hide away on the sandy beaches of their hard drives...
Where was I? While this historical picture does nothing to dampen my spirit on this most spirited of holidays, more conservative Christians may feel that this day is something offensive to their sensibilities.
However, Christians have been in the practice of re-purposing Pagan festivals and holidays since we were being fed to lions. We needed something to lighten the mood, right? In light of this most ancient tradition, I present some Christian-friendly alternatives to International Talk Like a Pirate Day!
International Talk Like a Theologian Day - The language of Biblical scholars and theologians can often be just as daunting and confusing as that of pirates. Just go around using words like kenosis, premillenialism and other theological buzzwords. You don't have to know what they mean. Trust me, nobody else does. Not even the theologians.
International Talk Like a Baptist Day - This holiday's name is a little misleading. International Talk Like a Baptist Day doesn't actually involve all that much talking. Mostly you just walk around shaking your head disapprovingly at a lot of stuff.
International Talk Like Jonathan Edwards Day - Easy! Just go around shouting at people about how they're going to burn eternally in a lake of fire and eternal fiery torment for all eternity.
International Talk Like an Emergent Pastor Day - This one is a little harder. This is only doable if you're really hip, or know how to act hip. You have to reference very immediate pop culture and make it a loose metaphor for some spiritual truth. It also helps to drop the name of an obscure band every now and then.
Finally, for those who are a little more daring, not quite so conservative there's:
International Talk Like Jesus Day - This mainly involves speaking in Aramaic and making up lengthy, arbitrary metaphors for the Christian life and the Kingdom of Heaven. Now, I know there are a few of you out there who aren't fluent in Aramaic. That's okay! An alternative is just to begin all your sentences with "Verily, I say unto thee."
So there you go! It's that easy. And for those of you who are partaking of the piratey mischief, here's an actual pirate generator. Have fun, and splice t' mainbrace!
P.S. - I've decided to try out a new look here at Kinda Kitschy! I'd greatly appreciate any feedback you could give me in the comments section!
Now, I understand the concern of Christians in calling something like ITLPD a holiday, especially considering the connotations of piracy, both ancient and modern. We have romantic ideas about pirates who are dashing and clever and make repetitive jokes about rum. Very repetitive jokes. In reality, however, pirates were always thieves and often brutal cutthroats. Today, pirates are still thieves, sailing the digital seas in search of media to pilfer from honest corporations and hide away on the sandy beaches of their hard drives...
Where was I? While this historical picture does nothing to dampen my spirit on this most spirited of holidays, more conservative Christians may feel that this day is something offensive to their sensibilities.
However, Christians have been in the practice of re-purposing Pagan festivals and holidays since we were being fed to lions. We needed something to lighten the mood, right? In light of this most ancient tradition, I present some Christian-friendly alternatives to International Talk Like a Pirate Day!
International Talk Like a Theologian Day - The language of Biblical scholars and theologians can often be just as daunting and confusing as that of pirates. Just go around using words like kenosis, premillenialism and other theological buzzwords. You don't have to know what they mean. Trust me, nobody else does. Not even the theologians.
International Talk Like a Baptist Day - This holiday's name is a little misleading. International Talk Like a Baptist Day doesn't actually involve all that much talking. Mostly you just walk around shaking your head disapprovingly at a lot of stuff.
International Talk Like Jonathan Edwards Day - Easy! Just go around shouting at people about how they're going to burn eternally in a lake of fire and eternal fiery torment for all eternity.
International Talk Like an Emergent Pastor Day - This one is a little harder. This is only doable if you're really hip, or know how to act hip. You have to reference very immediate pop culture and make it a loose metaphor for some spiritual truth. It also helps to drop the name of an obscure band every now and then.
Finally, for those who are a little more daring, not quite so conservative there's:
International Talk Like Jesus Day - This mainly involves speaking in Aramaic and making up lengthy, arbitrary metaphors for the Christian life and the Kingdom of Heaven. Now, I know there are a few of you out there who aren't fluent in Aramaic. That's okay! An alternative is just to begin all your sentences with "Verily, I say unto thee."
So there you go! It's that easy. And for those of you who are partaking of the piratey mischief, here's an actual pirate generator. Have fun, and splice t' mainbrace!
P.S. - I've decided to try out a new look here at Kinda Kitschy! I'd greatly appreciate any feedback you could give me in the comments section!
