Friday, April 27, 2007

Jesus Just Loves the Little Children

I hate tearing down mom and pop type establishments, but when something is weird, it's just weird. I can't do anything about that. Some of you may recall the Lamp of God.

Well, I found its little brother. This is the Miraculous Jesus Night Light.

And why is the Miraculous Jesus Night Light so miraculous? Because... follows you wherever you go. It's cut in a way that makes it look like Jesus' gaze is following you around. You can find this little piece of Gospel magic at Lil's Crafts & Creations". Here's the blurb from someone I'm guessing is Lil:

This "miraculous" Jesus nightlight is a 3-D image of Jesus, that appears to move & follow you wherever you walk in the room. The images above are all of the same nightlight sculpture, but taken from different angles. Your children will love this nightlight, as Jesus appears to be watching over them wherever they are. Your children may (like mine) receive comfort, security, and relief from those sleepless and scary nights. Each nightlight is custom hand made and painted by a ceramic craftsman (my mom) who takes pride in her work. The light is approx. 6" x 8" x 4: in size. Makes the perfect Christmas gift.

Imagine being a frightened child. You are having a nightmare where some beastly, hairy man with white glowing eyes is chasing you. Suddenly, with great relief, you wake up, only to find yourself staring at a beastly, hairy man with white glowing eyes.

Child: Do you love me, night light Jesus?
NLJ: Yes, child.
Child: Do you watch over me when I'm sleeping, night light Jesus?
NLJ: Of course, child.
Child: Night light Jesus, are you going to eat me?
NLJ: ...probably.

Then his head spins around in a circle.

Wanna see something really scary?

I'm guessing this woman mistakes her children's insomnia and unbridled fear for comfort, security, and relief. Of course, this is all not to mention the fact that, once again, Jesus is a white man...literally.

When I was little I used to dream that I was being chased around my house by a big, scary


The Ironic Catholic said...

Oh. my.

Allen said...

The glowing, floating (or is it supported by thickly-waxed, shoulder-length hair?) disembodied head of Jesus follows you wherever you go. What's scary about that?

Diesel said...

The picture with the fangs is almost comforting after the other ones.

Joel Bezaire said...

Fred: That's not Jesus' eyes following you around. That's Mr. Wilson, hiding behind the statue! He's the former owner of the mansion, and he's trying to take his property back by scaring people away!!

Daphne: Jeepers!

Mr. Wilson: And I would have gotten away with it to, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!!

Scooby: Ruh-ro.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I'm just imagining a reverent child singing, "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine.........." followed by boodcurdling screams.

Carolina Cannonball said...

I can't stop the fits of laughter. I'm at work, so you see my delimma.

Mile High Pixie said...

BAAAHAHAAHAAAA! That Cujo Jesus pic is cracking me up! And Joel: shame! Baahahaaa!

leonora afuyog said...

All that's missing from this light show is the air freshener.

Zoning Out Again said...


Carolina Cannonball said...

this made me think of you.