Same Old, Same Old

So the move is finished. I am now a resident of Dubuque, Iowa. Everything is unpacked (mostly), and now the only task that remains is finding a job. I applied to a few retail places, but I have to put together a resume for some medical supply company. Much prayer is needed. Thank you.

Sorry for the long hiatus with no interim blogger. I planned to have someone take over during the absence, but I got so caught up in everything I was doing that I just never got around to it. I guess that shows where my priorities lie.

But, this Sunday, I went to church again (a great church, I might add), so I figured it was time to dust off Kinda Kitschy and try again. Considering that everything I'm doing now is new, I thought I should stick with something familiar. Somehow, though, it's just as horrifying as the first incarnation we looked at on KK.

How many times have I done posts on crummy Armor of God incarnations? Three times? Five times? Well I guess that makes it four...or six, I can't remember. We Christians excel at our ability to take a metaphor and turn it into something ridiculous. We do it almost as well as potlucks...almost. Here's a pic I snapped at a Christian bookstore back in St. Louis.


It's a Christian version of those crummy ninja/cowboy/knight/pastor costumes we boys wore when we were kids. I wouldn't doubt that somewhere, floating around in that nebulous vacuum of improbability called Christian merchandise there's a girl's version of this, and it's probably pink with flowers and a veil instead of a helmet. Anything to sell a few extra units.

What I really want to point out is the parent-nabbing description on the box, proving, once again, that marketing is all about spin.

It's not a toy, it's a tool!

I should've gone into marketing.

Humor-Blogs.com is all about spin.

Brother Ernie

Rubber Ducky, you're the one!

I would love to play with these in the tub. I'd get a whole bunch, and make a little ducky congregation. Then G.I. Joes would come in and persecute them in the name of Antichrist.

This one was sent to me by Diana. She remarks, "As if there aren't variations on the humble yellow ducky..." Thanks, Diana.

WTF?! No, seriously!

CALIFORNIA, November 22 - Rob's brother-in-law has the weirdest nipples ever. No, seriously. It's true.

Okay, so first, let me apologize for having a giant picture of a man's nipple on my blog. But there's my shout out to Diesel over at Mattress Police, who was kind enough to entertain me while I was at work the other day. Thanks, Diesel.

So now it's nose back to the grindstone folks. The holiday is over, and it's time for me to get back to work satisfying all of your rabid curiosity for the absolute insanity of some Christian manufacturers. No, really, you know I love it.

In all seriousness, today's kitsch is seriously a WTF?! kind of thing. I have to thank John for doing my work for me on this one. Thanks, John. Check out his blog here.

We all know the famous stories of Noah and the Ark, Samson and Delilah, and David and Goliath right? Well, apparently, Family Values, LLC has been reading a slightly different Bible than us.


This company produces action figures with a Biblical twist! They're all Bible heroes! Whoo-hoo! Before I blow you away, here's the description for the Samson action figure.

"Samson battles the forces of evil. His great strength comes from his faith and humility in the power of God. Package comes with poseable action figure styling with play accessory shield and sword, along with fully illustrated comic book."

Hmm...that sounds nothing like:

Judges 16: 17
"So he told her everything. 'No razor has ever been used on my head,' he said, 'because I have been a Nazirite set apart to God since birth. If my head were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as any other man.' "

"...strength from his faith and humility"? Not only is that completely wrong, but humility was definitely not Samson's strong suit. Samson is the story of a guy who really screws up, but ends up serving God in the end, through his death.

But here's the real kicker:


You know who that is? That's David. Yup, good old shepherd boy. Apparently, David wasn't a small boy facing incredible odds against, with only a stone, a sling (not a slingshot), and faith in God. According to them, he was a big, ripped action hero with a suit of armor and a shield. Kind of messes up the message, doesn't it? Oh, and not to mention that every last one of those action heroes is a white boy. I'm beating a dead horse here, I know, but it really burns me up.

Coming Soon!: Jesus battles Satan, the Prince of Darkness. His power comes from His humility and pretty much being God. Package comes with poseable action figure styling with play accessory whip of cords (John 2:15) and cross, along with fully illustrated comic book.

Come on, people. You can buy your kids X-Men and if you pray, and teach them the real Bible they'll still turn out to be good kids. Let's face it: the X-Men are what they really want, anyway.