Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Because Chocolate is Evil

We've all seen how people can take an idea with the Bible and run right off of a cliff with it. Here's another entry from the people who brought us the grape pills. They're still running as hot as ever and I found their take on the energy bar. They've named it aptly. Really, what else could they call it?


Be careful though! Even though these are foods sanctioned by God, there are a few warnings I think the company has overlooked. The Bible Bar should not be eaten by:

Atheists
Agnostics
Scientologists
Backsliders
Persons found to be in mortal sin
Persons with the following allergies:
Gluten
Nuts
Religion


The company that distributes this most holy of snacks is called House of David, America's Premier Distributor of Biblical Health Products. They have some interesting insight into the link between what people eat and their health:
Of course it still matters what we eat – otherwise there would be no harm in a diet of junk foods, high fat foods, highly processed foods and high calorie foods. As a matter of fact, nutritional research is showing us that there is a direct link between the diet we follow and the condition of our health. This being the case, then why would you not opt for the most perfect foods God ever created for man?

Isn't that just like a bunch of Christians? Years behind the curve. 3500 years to be exact. I'm wondering if we need to update the Lord's prayer for modern overly-fundamental Christians.

Our Father, who art in Heaven
Hallowed be Thy name
Thy Kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in Heaven
Give us this day our daily Bible Bar
For the bread is bleached
And filled with preservatives

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Why am I doing two merchandise posts in a row? Well...

I read back through a bunch of the old posts. After all this time I was still thrilled by the response Kinda Kitschy got back then. The blog had real focus back then, and I have to admit, I feel those old posts were much funnier than the recent ones, and even many of the ones before the year hiatus. Where did the funny go? There's still going to be a lot of experimenting going on here, but I feel myself drifting back to my original intention for KK already. You know, we'll see how it goes. I want your feedback folks, especially those of you who have been here since the beginning. You know who you are.

Oh, and send me more kitsch! Many of the most frequent contributors are still reading, so break out those cameras again and make my life easier.

4 comments:

Claire said...

I see these in the gift shop at the local basilica. They make me twitch a little bit. They also sound nasty.

Allen's Brain said...

Um, I'm pretty sure that the circled W is not a standard symbol for kosherness. This probably means that they didn't actually get a rabbi to approve them. Urk! Makes my quasi-Jewish brain boil!

Also, does that ingredient list say "organic wheat fakes"? Are they not real wheat, or are they not real flakes?

Adoro te Devote said...

You GOTTA see this:

http://adorotedevote.blogspot.com/2008/07/caption-contest.html

Consider it a submission. I'm still having nightmares!

Matthew W. Johnson said...

DUDE! We should order a box of these and eat them every morning before working out! God would bless it...